Empowering Our Adolescents

I have this reminder in my home:

"The two lasting gifts we give our children are roots to grow and wings to fly."

When my kids were growing up, I remember often feeling like I had to "save the day" for them. Now that I'm a grandmother, I have learned that it's a real gift to kids to let them figure things out. When we empower our kids, we provide support that helps our children grow, feel safe, and manage challenges. When we enable them, we unintentionally protect our children from consequences or discomfort in ways that prevent growth or reinforce unhealthy patterns.

Here are some key questions to ask yourself:

• Is my support making them more capable or more dependent?
• Am I doing this out of love or out of fear (of a meltdown, failure, judgment)?
• What would happen if I didn't step in right now? Can they try on their own?
• What evidence do I have that my child can't do this on their own?

As you reflect on these questions, it can help to recognize the subtle differences between empowering and enabling. Here are some key signs to guide you:

Signs you are EMPOWERING:

• You guide your child through challenges with the goal of building independence and skills.
• Your support is intentional and paired with clear boundaries.
• Over time, your child is growing in confidence, skills, or self-regulation.

Signs you are ENABLING:

• You do things your child is capable of doing themselves.
• You step in to avoid conflict or discomfort, shielding them from consequences.
• You feel resentful, frustrated, or burned out.

Empowering our children doesn't mean stepping back out of indifference—it means stepping alongside them with intention, patience, and love. Roots give them safety, wings give them freedom—and the greatest gift is knowing we provide both.