Raising Resilient Kids

"Note to Self" back some twenty years ago when I was raising my three kids: I would have been more aware of the BIG picture when solving problems. Experts would have called me a "snow plow parent" which means that I would do whatever was needed to "clear the obstacles" out of the way for my kids. I had good intentions, but I was short sighted in seeing that it had the possibility of reducing the opportunities for them to solve their own problems and develop resilience. Left unchecked it can lead to unhealthy codependence.

The Key Characteristics of a "Snow Plow Parent"

• Micromanages all the details of their child's life, similar to a "helicopter parent".
• Lack of healthy boundaries: Parents make decisions for them instead of helping grow their autonomy.
• Overprotective of child: Parents tries to make life as easy as possible for their child (i.e. calling a teacher on their behalf).
• Avoidance of self-advocacy: Parents become their advocate instead of helping the child learn how to be their own self-advocate.
• Habitual intrusion: Parents insert themselves into "sticky" social situations without allowing the child to solve their problems independently.

It's Not Too Late to Change!

If any of these characteristics resonate with you, hear me on this—"It's not too late to change!" Some small steps to grow your child's confidence could be:

• Doing the hard things, like "sitting on your hands."
• Ask your child: "what do you think you'll do? I'm confident you'll figure it out."
• Let the natural consequences be the teacher. This helps your child learn from their actions and hopefully make better decisions in the future.
• Trust and like the parent that you are!
• Seek therapy for yourself because some of these patterns can reveal there are unresolved anxiety issues or trauma that needs to heal.