Teens in Transition

In The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, his words on children offer enduring wisdom:

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you..."

This speaks to a truth many parents feel deeply—especially those raising teens.

In our summer parent group, Loving Teens Well, we've been reflecting on this powerful idea. Teens are no longer children, but not yet adults. They're in transition. They're beginning to pull away, to think for themselves, to test boundaries and take risks. It can feel like a rollercoaster—for them and for us.

As parents, how do we respond?

We can guide their growth without trying to control it. When we rely on punishment—taking away phones, withdrawing privileges, or using disapproval—we send the wrong message. It teaches teens to obey out of fear or to rebel in frustration. They may comply outwardly while feeling unseen inside.

On the other hand, if we're too soft—constantly rescuing them or shielding them from discomfort—we rob them of resilience. They begin to expect the world (and us) to make life easy, and they miss opportunities to grow through natural consequences.

There is a better way: staying close without controlling.

• Being firm and kind.
• Listening with empathy.
• Offering tools and training.
• And believing they are capable.

Dr. Lisa Damour offers a helpful analogy: parenting a teen is like watching a swimmer in a pool. At times, they're splashing with friends or focused on swimming laps. You start to wonder if they even need you anymore. Then suddenly, something unexpected happens—they're swimming to your side, needing your presence and wisdom. You respond, heart open. And just as suddenly, they push off again, returning to their laps and the deeper waters of their own self-discovery.

This is the rhythm of adolescence—the push and pull, the unevenness of growth, the sacred work of parting with childhood. Our job is to stay grounded, available, and full of belief in who they are becoming.